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One, Two, Fuck You.

Today kinda sucked.
I was on the verge of tears.
All day.
For no reason at all.

If we cut out the bad,
Then we'd have nothing left.

That's not completly true.
It was not for no reason at all.

"At least I'm not an anorexic emo who
slits their wrists and draws X's on my hands"

It wasn't directed towards me.
But why are people so mean to eachother?

Why can't people just accept people for who they are?

So many things just aren't...Right.

Things should be diffrent.
Everything should be diffrent.

I'm sitting here listening to 'Cut Up Angels', Just wondering, "What is wrong with the world?"
Then I realize, there is no single possible answer for that question.

But.. Now that song is over. And I will probably start thinking about somthing else momentarily.
Emmmmmmm...Senses Fail.

Well.. Going back to that comment, I wonder why that kindof stuff bothers me so much.
Maybe because I'm a bit self distructive.
And, No. I did not just flat out admit to cutting myself.
So don't jump to conclusions, I may not have meant that.
Just because someone doesn't slit their wrists doesn't mean they're not self distructive.

It's a mental state. As well as a physical state.
I think.
Then again, Don't listen to me. I have not the slightest idea of what I am talking about.

I wonder if random people read this stuff.
If they do, they must all think I'm insane.
I'm sure they do.

Chorus issues are solved.

I think that the truth is
I'm everything that I hate

Hmm. Switch of songs. Sullen Girl. Fiona Apple.

I don't know this song. Weird. How did it get on my playlist?

Well.. To sum things up.
I've been in a really depressed move lately.
I hate myself for it.
I hate it.

Make my life

An aquired melt down.

Hello darlings.
Today.. Well..... Today was awful.
Incase you actully cared.
I doubt it, its not like my day influences anyone elses.
It was just so bleck.
I can't explain in words how bad my day was.
And I don't know where to start explaining why it was so bad.
I don't know if you even care why it was so bad.
But it was bad.
Ah! I'll go by class.

Math- This morning we had a test. It wasn't to hard but,
someone shoved into my while I was getting up. They looked back, and noticed it was me
so they disregarded the whole thing. Not a big deal.

Science- I couldn't concentrate at all. We had to do an expariment.
That was intresting. Well.. Not really. I don't really like Science much at all though.
I guess that adds to what made it so bad.

Spanish- Awful. I got a re-quiz back. It had the same grade as the last one. They were all stupid mistakes too. I'm such an idiot.

Chorus/Lunch- I suppose this is the worst part of my day. I like singing. Yes, but for some reason I always freeze up in chorus and forget how to like.. I guess you could say, make sound. I'm also horrifyed of being infront of audiances. So I asked if I could skip the concert. Bad idea. The teacher was my favorite. But, then she basically killed me and Vicky with her words. I think I quit. I can't take go to that class anymore. It's going to... Well.. Kill me.

Art- My favorite class out of all of them. I was too shook up about what happened in chorus to think about it. We were working with clay too. My favorite thing to work with. All my insperation was gone. I did like two inchs of work. Thats it.

SS- Still messed up about chorus. We had a sub and textbook work. It was fine.

English- STILL couldn't get the whole chorus thing out of my mind. Couldn't concentrate. Drew on my hand the whole time.

Skills- Oh Chorus. I reviewed for Science and got "shhh"ed at when I helped a kid with a word.
If the teacher had payed attention to notice he had his hand raised, I wouldn't have had to help him. The Last 15 minuets we had to go to our bus drill rooms.

Bus Drill- I did nothing for fifteen minuets but read and think. But I wasn't understanding what I was reading. I was too busy with the war that was going on inside my head. Fucking chorus.

So.. Now I'm home.
And Life is still being a major suckfest.
And.. I still can't get it off my mind.
I don't want to quit. But.. I'm scared of going back.
Maybe I should just quit. Life is so confusing.

It makes me feel so sick.
Like I just want to empty the blood out of my body.
Would things be better that way? No.
Obviosly not.
That is not the answer to any problem.
I suppose.

I guess I should just.. Think things over.

----*Edit-From 10:16PM

Ack, my head hurts.
Noteatingisbaddd. I should do that.

So, You might just notice...

..That I have deleted all my old journal entries.
Correct. I did.

They go way back. To like may. Thats a past I don't wish to read through, or have you read through.
Trust me. I just read and deleted over twenty entries.
It took... Wow. That took fourty minuets.
But thats okay.
I still don't have a life.
So I have time to be all computer geeky.

A lot has changed since... Last year, I suppose.
My Social Studies teacher assigned easily 4 hours of homework for this weekend.
Shes such a phsyco bitch. Why do people who don't like kids, go into teaching.

Since this is a practically like a new journal, I'm going to give you an update of the stuff going on in my life.
Well.. I started a few stories on INO.
Some more succesful then others.
I'm happy with those. I really really am.

Also, I made some new friendishlike people.
Thats pretty cool if you ask me.
Not that I ever talk to them.. That would be to embarrasing and socailly unexceptable.. But.
Thats okay. I can live with that.

Well darlings, thats all I have now.


One Two Fxck You

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November 2006


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